Spoiler alert! For those of you not wishing to read up on my emo-ing, feel free to hit the Alt+F4 button now. Note the angry, sadistic posts up to this date.
Today marks the one-year milestone and you know how I celebrated?
By sulking it out the whole day and sleeping my ass off.
WOUHOO! Major coup! *sarcasm please*
I cried myself to sleep last night. The memories I tried to block out over the past 365 days came tearing through the floodgates yesterday. Mama always said, never regret your actions but last night I just kept thinking of what if's and should I have? Would things have been different then? Never have I been this broken over something so uncertain and vague. There were times when I felt like listening to endless advices and just move on but then there'll be something holding me back.
'Do I really want to let go?'
'Might there be...?'
Dont get me wrong, I've tried. Believe me I have. Ive met a few people along the way and all seems good. Until comparisons happen. Ive been so used to routine lines and conversations that I dont know what flirting is anymore. Talk about dating eh. And he makes it look so easy. So unaffected.
So I use that to pull away. To distance myself. Self-control. What happens after?
He comes. He comforts. Then he leaves.
And where am I?
Trudging my way back all the way to square one.
It's been fluctuating like that all year and its what's blunting my progress.
I'm partly to blame. Never told him to stop. Never said it was wrong.
Its unfair to me.
And to you,
Are you really happy?
Today marks the one-year milestone and you know how I celebrated?
By sulking it out the whole day and sleeping my ass off.
WOUHOO! Major coup! *sarcasm please*
I cried myself to sleep last night. The memories I tried to block out over the past 365 days came tearing through the floodgates yesterday. Mama always said, never regret your actions but last night I just kept thinking of what if's and should I have? Would things have been different then? Never have I been this broken over something so uncertain and vague. There were times when I felt like listening to endless advices and just move on but then there'll be something holding me back.
'Do I really want to let go?'
'Might there be...?'
Dont get me wrong, I've tried. Believe me I have. Ive met a few people along the way and all seems good. Until comparisons happen. Ive been so used to routine lines and conversations that I dont know what flirting is anymore. Talk about dating eh. And he makes it look so easy. So unaffected.
So I use that to pull away. To distance myself. Self-control. What happens after?
He comes. He comforts. Then he leaves.
And where am I?
Trudging my way back all the way to square one.
It's been fluctuating like that all year and its what's blunting my progress.
I'm partly to blame. Never told him to stop. Never said it was wrong.
Its unfair to me.
And to you,
Are you really happy?
No comments:
Post a Comment