Soulsearching in Madinah!

I know I promised to write more about my mini pilgrimage and here's me making good on the promise.

 After completing all obligations in Makkah, we traveled to Madinah, probably the second holiest city in Islamic history. The city was relatively more chilled out and a bit on the cooler side. People werent rushing around as much, and it felt so stress free. I fell ill on the bus ride to Madinah so it wasnt very pleasant and I had to miss out a couple of the city excursions which was a bit of a bummer. 

Masjid Nabawi was built and centered around the Prophet's house, hence given the endearing name of being The Prophet's mosque. Along with two of his closest companions, he was finally laid to rest in Raudhah which was narrated to be 'A garden of Paradise' by Al-Bukhari. I absolutely loved prostrating in the Prophet's mosque. When I first entered its massive 10ft (my amateur approx) oak doors, the interior was absolutely breathtaking! SubhanaAllah.

The marble columns, the striped archways, the hugeeeee chandeliers and not to mention the pristine and intricate detailing of everything! I was in awe. The mosque was so big that the archways seem to go on and on and on, it felt neverending. There's this feeling as well of being in there that is difficult to describe in words, I shall never be able to do it justice in writing. (or maybe I just need to hone my writing skills!) 

One of my experiences that I really wanted to share was when I was in Raudhah. I mean come on, I kinda met the Prophet pbuh! How epic was that eh! Normally, because of crowd control, pilgrims are allocated time slots to visit according to countries. They would let the Arab region go first, with Malaysians usually having to wait for quite a bit. On the first night, me and two of the girls decided to chance it and join the Arabs for an earlier slot as we were a wee bit excited. Turned out to be something I wouldnt recommend to future goers. Thing is, Raudhah is a tiny area between the Prophet's house and the Mimbar. That, being divided between the guys and the girls, it probably has a capacity of not more than say... 200 people in one go. 

And all the pushing, shoving, shouting, and even hitting each other (certain groups of ppl are notorious for being quite rough, you see) kinda took out the sparkle out of the majestic experience of being in the presence of the most influential man in history. Now the next night, I decided to wait with my fellow Malaysians and the wait, was definitely worth it. I got to calmly perform my prayers, I got the chance to sit for more than 5 minutes just to reflect and it was an out of body experience.

^^Alhamdulillah for these girls masyaAllah! #tilljannah lol!^^

This experience has no doubt humbled me and I given me loads to think about. Self-reflection, wanting to be better and a stronger belief and faith that He is looking out for me. Sometimes we seem to get bogged down with chasing materialistic needs and forget that we already have plenty to be content and thankful for. A loving family, good health, a roof over our heads and food to feed our ever growing waistline (hehe). So if ever this slips your minds, just remember all the simple things and dont forget to say Alhamdulillah.

Mad love,
Peja xx

The Holy Land, The Motherland.

There's this thing you know, about seeing the Kaabah up close and in real time. I mean we see a lot of pictures of it and such but just being in the presence and within touching distance... I just cant quite explain it. Everyone who sets foot in Masjidil Haram for the first time has their own little experience and for myself, it was an overwhelming rush of emotions and thoughts. I remember being very nervous upon stepping foot into the Grand Mosque and our mutawwif (the religious guide) telling us to recite some prayers upon seeing the Kaabah. I remember walking down the rows of saf (prayer lines) just anticipating the moment I would catch a glimpse of the Kaabah and however much I prepared myself for it, I could never have anticipated such a reaction. 

I had an epiphany. "MasyaAllah, I cant believe this is it. I cant believe I'm here. With the permission of The Almighty, I am here."

After reciting some prayers and saying my syukur (thanks) I proceeded to walk towards the Kaabah for my tawaf. Then I thought, "Its so big! Its so bold and so glorious, subhanAllah!". I had my head docked up towards the sky just to take it all in. And eventhough there were loads of people around me, for a moment, as I was admiring the situation, just for a moment, there was this silent standstill in time.

While doing the tawaf, there were certain prayers that our mutawwif told us to recite from a little book we had with us. He also told us not to concentrate too much on trying to recite them but what was important was to muhasabah (reflect) and just submit. I dont know when it started but all I know that at one point I realized that I lost it. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldnt stop. It was such a joy but at the same time I felt so humbled it hurt, to the point of tears. Like I said, the feeling was unexplainable. 

Now, whenever I pray and I struggle to find khusyuk in my solat, I'll close my eyes and imagine the Kaabah and it gets easier. I pray all of you get to experience this at least once in your lifetime, insyaAllah.

P xx
 

An invitation not to be refused.

I've been blessed. 

About a month ago I got invited to visit the Holy Land and wow. Just wow. And to be honest, I'm struggling to find the words to describe this amazing experience. It was my first time ever and as a muslim, I now feel complete. The urge of wanting to go visit is always something that plays in the back of every muslim's head (I'm sure) - I even have it up around no.6 on my #todobefore30 list, but when the opportunity presented itself to me late last year, I had to put a lot of thought into it. Until I read this hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah r.a that goes: 

The Holy Prophet Muhammad pbuh said, "Mounts should only be saddled to visit three mosques: the Masjid Al-Haram, My Masjid (Masjid Nabawi) and the Masjid Al-Aqsa." - Bukhari, Muslim.

Which got me thinking. If I could save up every year to travel leisurely to all these fancy places all around Europe, why cant I make the same effort for something that is mandatory for every muslim, right? And I'm so glad I hastened my obligations.

We visited the Hudaibiyah Museum where they had the Kiswah, which is the cloth that covers the Kaabah on display. You never really realise how intricate it really is so that was really cool to see up close. Thas's a lot of reallys. They also had the old door and stairs of the Kaabah and loads of artefacts just amazed the pants off of me. 

We went to the camel farm which was a bit of a risk as there was a virus going round at that time that was supposedly spread by camels. I think I might even have caught it when I was out there. Alhamdulillah the whole time I was there I still had the energy to carry out all my prayers and ibadah and only suffered the full blown effect when I got back - bedridden for a week after, that wasnt pleasant! But, I'm not complaining, "Sakit itu kifarah. Sakit itu, penghapus dosa-dosa kecil".

 

We also climbed Jabal Nur which was the hill that the prophet received the first wahyu (message) from malaikat Jibril (angel Gabriel). We started climbing at about half nine in the evening and atop the hill, we visited the little cave that he meditated in, and I could totally understand why he chose this spot. Back in the day, the prophet used to come up here just to separate himself from the people of Makkah and their atrocious lifestyle. But even with all the development that was going around, there was a weirdly peaceful atmosphere up there which I cant quite explain.  

 

What an amazing escapade this was! I'll update a bit more on when I was in Madinah, insyaAllah when I have time. I swear this post does not do justice to how phenomenal everyhting was, but I hope you enjoyed the pictures! :)

Love, 

P xx

Ramadhan Al-Kareem.

Its been just over a fortnight of the holy month of Ramadhan and I've got to admit, abstaining from food and water for 18 hours in the peak of the UK summer plus the heatwave has not been easy. While the others were mostly snoozing throughout the day to kill time, I did not have the luxury of doing so with the last week of fourth year clinics still up and running. and with 9-5 days, every day, I was literally a walking zombie by the time I get home from work. Thank goodness I'm finally done with uni... for now. Lol.

While I'm nowhere near to being the perfect muslim, (I cant say I havent moaned about having to fast for so long countless times already) Ramadhan overseas has brought me a lot of blessings so far. At first, I was quite anxious about having to fast (and break fast) on my own, being that most of the Malaysian community including housemates have gone home for the summer. but alhamdulillah, Allah blessed me with amazing friends to have iftar with every single night. I was worried that I would be missing out on my tarawih prayers at the mosque. but alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the strength and confidence to perform tarawih on my own for most nights of the month. Just before Ramadhan, I finished reading the Quran but I made a promise to myself to understand it next time I read. Alhamdulillah, He's guided me a lot this time round with translations and readings. Least of all, not to mention the willpower of just getting through the day really! So I cant say alhamdulillah enough for all of it.

The best part of all of this has also been the polishing of my cooking skills. On most nights, we would normally all gather for a potluck iftar and I'm proud to say that I've contributed dishes which have been a hit with the hungry eaters. Whether its just the fact that people are just really hungry and craving for Malaysian delicacies or that my food can actually be tasty, I'm just satisfied enough seeing my dish wiped clean by the end of it! (but thats not to say I wouldnt take a compliment for my cooking if it were given!) 

Hope all my muslim friends have an awesome Ramadhan! I'm taking it easy this week and maybe some retail therapy just to reward myself for making it through fourth year dentistry! Waheey!

Peja xx

Faith - Cause we would have been three today.

I had a pretty productive day today. I finally managed to bring myself to clear up the mess of a room I made prior to leaving for the short but sweet #SummerBomb adventure - which I will be updating soon, insyaAllah. Got up well early, went for a disappointing morning run as it seems my stamina has dropped over the past couple of weeks off for exams. Was only halfway round the block, but I was already panting as if I had run the 40K marathon! Jeez.

Was scrolling through the social newsfeeds after breakfast and I couldn't help feeling happy for all the marriages and engagements happening today. 

It's funny how things have changed so much isn't it? About 6/7 months ago, I had everything planned out. I knew when I was going to graduate, by when and to whom I wanted to get engaged and married to, I had someone to send random messages and call in the middle of the night, and call me keen, but I'd even started to save up for securing a home. I loved how stable and predictable everything was.

But now everything has been thrown up in the air.

I don't know what my future holds but I do know that He only has the best planned for me.
I'll just have to have faith.

FAITH. Its a beautiful thing. Its believing in something even when all reason tells you not to.

"I would love to end up with someone who is passionate about work but also passionate about life and living life with me." 

Peja xx

 

Through hard times.

I miss how my heart pounds when I know I'm going to see you.

Do you know how I used to wait to see you smile?

These days it seems your days are filled with stress and tears, and by relation, mine as well.

I wish times like these I could be closer to you, and lend you whatever little strength I have. I wish I could take that part of you that is hurting and wrap it in softness. I wish I could turn the anger and bitterness into forgiveness and help you realize that the ability to forgive those who have wronged you is also a form of strength.

May you be calm and gentle. And may you be strong.

Your no.1 supporter,
Peja xx

Always more, never less.

I know a boy. 
 
He’s temperamental, just a little shy of romantic, and a total workaholic.
 
He’s also nothing short of brilliant, which means he sees things in a totally different way than other people do. It makes things difficult sometimes, having conversations with someone who is thinking about things at a speed that is totally different from your own.
 
I can’t help being in love with such a person. 

It’s difficult. 

His intellect, coupled with his tendencies to work himself to death, makes it difficult communicating at times. At times I doubt my ability to match up to what he probably needs - a person who can match him on equal footing on that street smart scale. I wonder if sometimes we’re talking on two entirely different wavelengths, his brain skipping ahead of mine in his normal way of thought while I chatter on about some other topic blithely in my ignorance. 

I have to trust in our love. 

It is like a lifeline that I cling to whenever I have doubts. At times I have to let myself float and let the tide carry me, and have faith that we will be washed up in the same place – whichever place that we are fated to go, and I can only pray that we are headed to the same place together. 

We are all but single entities in the universe, but we are interconnected in the great web that God has built. 

And if it is meant to be, it will be. 

Adli Amran, in us I trust.